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Have you ever been down the rabbit-hole of scrolling social media and you start to notice thoughts pop up like “I'm not pretty enough” or “My house will never look like that”? SAME. The comparison game is one we know all too well.
Social media can be a great place to connect with other humans, but it can also be a comparison trap filled with everyone else’s highlight reels. Unfortunately, tear-stained pillows are not deemed “insta-worthy”. Maybe you can relate. You just had one of the worst years of your life and you pop in and out of social media to distract yourself from the pain.
All you want is to watch those funny pet videos or find a meme that explains it all. Then, that one friend posts that engagement photo, baby bump, clean home, travel adventure, and an exciting life update. Meanwhile, you're consumed with thought like “I hate being single”; “All I want is to be a mom”; “My house will never be that clean with 2 kids”; “I’ll never have enough money to travel to a place like that”, or “I feel so stuck in my life”. Suddenly this pressure to be someone other than yourself sets in.
Man, that’s a heavy weight to carry.
I don’t know if anyone has ever told you, but you were created to be exactly who you are, beautifully and wonderfully made. You are precious. Your worth is not measured by what you have or what you do.
Why are we so quick to judge ourselves against other peoples’ highs? Simply put, we don’t see the value in our lives and we lack self compassion for our pain. We highlight our weaknesses instead of illuminating our strengths. We place the weight of perfection on our shoulders, but we are crushed by the weight. Unrealistic expectations get in the way of feeling whole.
Comparison is the thief of joy. It removes contentment in your being and replaces it with envy.
You might be asking, “How do I steal back my joy?” Well, in therapy we take a strengths-based approach. We help you remember your true identity, purpose, and worth because those are key aspects of a person that produce a calming sense of contentment. The right therapist will help you identify core lies you might be believing about yourself that could be hindering your growth and help you replace them with truth. Finally, you’ll be able to call out unrealistic expectations you’ve placed on yourself and start to develop a plan to meet manageable goals.
If this resonates with you, consider taking the first step to seek therapy today. We get that the struggle is real and we are here to help you thrive!
~Nicole Koronkowski, MSW
Nicole Koronkowski is a masters level therapist specializing in helping women 14+ handle life's many challenges, including moments of depression, panic, mood swings, and relationship difficulties. You can schedule a free consultation with Nicole by visiting www.graceandgratitudecounseling.com.