IFS Therapy Explained in Plain English and How it Helps You Heal

 By: Sarah Bacani, LCSW

Have you ever felt like there are different voices, moods, or versions of you inside? The part that says I should be perfect, the part that says I’m not good enough, the part that’s so exhausted from caring about everyone else that there’s nothing left for you? When you feel torn inside like a part of you wants to move forward, but another part is holding you back —  it’s not you being broken, rather it’s your mind trying to protect you. Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) offers a way to understand and heal that inner world.

IFS in Plain English

Think of your mind like a little community (or family) inside you. In IFS, we say you have a core “self,” which is the part of you that naturally feels calm, clear, compassionate, curious, and connected. Surrounding that self are “parts,” these parts (or sub‑personalities) have their own feelings, thoughts, memories, and beliefs. They might show up as:

• A Manager part, which strives to keep you safe, together, in control, and perfect. They try to proactively stop painful feelings from occurring.
  
  
• A Firefighter is a reactive part, which “puts out fires” or overrides negative or hurt feelings with stimulating activity such as numbing, overworking, escaping, or impulsivity (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, etc.).
  
  

• An Exile part, which is often a younger part of us, feels wounded, hurt, ashamed, and lonely. When they are too loud, they can leave us feeling paralyzed.
  
  

All of our parts have good intentions — they’re trying to keep us feeling safe in our environment, even if their strategies are causing pain now. IFS is not about fixing or silencing any part. Every part is protecting a deeper hurt. As IFS founder Richard Schwartz says, “Even the most destructive parts have protective intentions.” Your true leadership resides in the self, the caring, calm center, which can bring our systems (self and parts) back into harmony. You’re not broken or in need of fixing, you’re a beautifully complex system of parts worth caring about and your self is the leader you have been waiting to meet.

How IFS Helps

IFS gives you a compassionate and empowering map to navigate your parts from the inside out. Specifically, IFS helps you:

• Notice your Parts

A tight stomach, tension, a heaviness, a harsh inner critic, repeated images or phrases – these are all parts speaking to you and working for you.

• Welcome ALL your Parts (even the ones you don’t like)

Instead of pushing away the inner critic, the exhausted mom part, or the overwhelmed teen-ager inside you, IFS says, “Let’s meet them.” When you stop looking to change unwanted behaviors, and start accepting them, your parts will stop operating in the extremes. This is where real change begins.

• Access your Self Leadership

In IFS, your self is innate and can be identified by the 8 C’s of self leadership, which include calmness, clarity, confidence, curiosity, compassion, creativity, courage, and connectedness. The goal of IFS is to identify the difference between the parts and self, so you can use these qualities to help your parts out of their extreme roles. Unblending allows us to take a step back from the part and observe it, rather than being consumed by it.

• Heal Trauma and Hidden Parts

Many of our clients carry childhood wounds, attachment injuries, or past trauma that show up as exiles. IFS offers a safe way to connect with those parts, release their burdens (long-held shame or fear), and free up space to integrate them into your system.

• Transform your Inner System to Transform your Outer Life

When you are more self-led, calmer, less hijacked by parts trying to protect you, you will show up differently in relationships, at work, in parenting (if you are a mom), and with yourself. 

How you Heal

Imagine waking up and knowing yourself, not fighting yourself. Your resilience grows. Self-trust deepens. You learn to lead yourself with kindness, even when difficult parts show up. Your inner system of parts becomes a team working together, not a battle. This is what happens when you are self-led, and your parts are invited into the healing journey. 

When you’re young you don’t hold the power, the strength, the authority, or have the ability to use logic or reasoning, so your parts (and your brain) develop protective measures for you. Once you’re capable of accessing self leadership, your parts no longer need to carry the intense burdens or responsibilities to keep you safe. When you unburden your parts, you return to your Self.

What does an IFS session look like

IFS offers real hope; not just for coping, but for finding yourself more fully. In therapy, we’ll go at your pace, honoring what each part needs. We make it practical, client-friendly, and oriented towards this season of your life. You may:

• Begin with normal concerns: overthinking, people-pleasing, feeling like you have to “do it all,” or anxiety that pops up at odd moments.

• Discover, through gentle exploration, an inner part such as a “Perfectionist Me,” or a “Caretaker Me,” or a “Little Girl Me” who felt unseen.

• Be guided to meet that part from your self to notice, get curious, and to explore their good intentions, fears, and wants.

• Learn to help that part release their burdens (fear, shame, old beliefs) and shift into a healthier, more productive, and appropriate role. Perhaps making a shift from “I’m not good enough” to “I'm doing my best, and that is enough.”

• Feel healing in a new way —  in a more calm, more whole, more you way. 

If you’re done doing-it-all, mentally ruminating, self-criticizing, people-pleasing, trying to be perfect, you’re in the right place. You have an inner system that’s already organized and designed for healing. We’re here to help you embrace all your parts, and claim the calm, confident, connected version of yourself.

“There are no bad parts, only parts needing healing,” according to Richard Schwartz.

If you’re ready to say yes to that healing, we’re ready to walk alongside you. Learn how an IFS intensive can help you connect with your true Self!